Walking Out of Our Prison Cell

Daily Reading: Exodus 6, Psalm 56, Acts 12, Proverbs 25

The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance. Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. “Quick, get up!” he said, and the chains fell off Peter’s wrists.

Then the angel said to him, “Put on your clothes and sandals.” And Peter did so. “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me,” the angel told him. Peter followed him out of the prison, but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision. They passed the first and second guards and came to the iron gate leading to the city. It opened for them by itself, and they went through it. When they had walked the length of one street, suddenly the angel left him.

Then Peter came to himself and said, “Now I know without a doubt that the Lord has sent his angel and rescued me from Herod’s clutches and from everything the Jewish people were hoping would happen.”

Acts 12:6-11

Peter had been in the presence of Jesus throughout his ministry, had seen countless miracles performed, and was out in the world preaching the good news. It makes me smile this morning to read his response to the angel showing up to help him escape from prison.

“…but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision.”

This is frequently our natural human response to God working in our lives.

“Is this really happening?”

During middle school, high school, college, and throughout my early adult life, I struggled with social anxiety. I hated being in large groups of people. My chest would get tight, I would start to sweat, and I would feel a bit lightheaded.

I couldn’t wait to leave any large gatherings.

If you have ever struggled with anxiety of any type, you can probably relate.

I didn’t enjoy passing between classes in school, avoided parties and large groups all the way through college, and always wanted to sit off to the side at weddings and other gatherings.

Then, one weekend I went to a men’s retreat in my mid-30’s. This was not the first retreat I had gone too. Nor was it the first time that I had carved out a large block of time to spend connecting with God away from the distractions of normal life. However, on this particular weekend something amazing happened.

I was praying that God would show me areas of my life where I was not fully trusting him.

Immediately I felt convicted in the fact that I had never turned to God to help with my social anxiety.

This was partially because I fell into the classic trap of minimizing what I was going through and thinking, “God has much bigger things to worry about than me not liking crowds.”

If I was being honest though, it was also because I was afraid to ask and not receive.

“What if I ask God to take this burden away…and he doesn’t?”

So, I prayed.

I ask that he heal my social anxiety, but more importantly that he would heal my heart and give me a willingness to bring anything and everything to him.

That I would learn to trust in his larger plan for my life, however he decided to answer my prayers.

Maybe God would choose to take away my anxiety. Perhaps he would have a bigger and better plan that I might be unaware of. Maybe he would use this struggle in a way to glorify him in the long run and bring other people to Jesus.

We never know how God is going to choose to work or on what timeline.

Then something amazing happened.

I felt the Holy Spirit clearly put on my heart:

“Aaron, thank you for finally asking. I am going to heal your social anxiety.”

At first I was confused and wasn’t sure if this was actually me hearing an actual answer to my prayer or if this was in my own head. I felt a lot like Peter in today’s passage.

Was God really going to heal my social anxiety? If so, was this the first step in a long process? Was God going to point me in the direction of a great therapist? Would he heal me on his own gradually over time?

Or was this a promise of some form of instantaneous healing?

I was reminded of this event that happened a decade ago when reading Peter’s story today.

An Angel comes to break Peter out of prison and instead of jumping for joy, his response is, “Wait, is this really happening?”

As I wrestled with this message from God, trying to understand what it meant, I am slightly embarrassed that my profound response was to the creator of the universe was: 

“Like…now?”

It wasn’t that I was trying to rush God. I just didn’t understand how this type of thing would work!

It is funny to look back on now.

I could almost feel God smiling at this authentic question that I raised.

“Yes, Aaron, now.”

You would think that this would be the moment where I would respond, “Thank you Lord!” followed by lots of flowery phrases straight out of Psalms about the goodness of God.

Instead, I responded with, “So, healed…forever?”

The next session we walked as a big group down to an area on the grounds where we would ceremonially release to God whatever it was that he had put on our hearts during that quiet time.

My mind was racing. 

Was this real? Did I actually hear from God? Was he truly going to heal my anxiety?

“…but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision.”

And yet as we arrived at the spot, and I was standing there in a big group, I felt at peace.

I had live this type of moment hundreds of times before in my life. I would have previously wanted to be towards the back, counting down the minutes to when we could head back inside and I could find a couch along the perimeter to sit on.

This time it was now different.

No chest tightening. No worrying about who was looking at me. No anxious thoughts swirling.

It has now been almost 10 years since that happened, and my social anxiety hasn’t come back.

Thank you Jesus.

Since then I have stopped being afraid to bring God my authentic prayers. The answers do not always come in the way I would have chosen, or on the timeline that I would prefer.

However, I know that God is faithful. I know his plans and his timing are better than mine.

Then Peter came to himself and said, “Now I know without a doubt that the Lord has sent his angel…”

At times we may not see God at work in our lives.

And then there are times where God chooses to send us an Angel.

It is then our choice whether to stand up and walk out of our “prison cell”.

Daily Reflection & Dialogue

Have there been any times where you have felt God’s voice in your life, or a prompting on your heart, but were unsure whether it was truly from God and asked, is this really happening? Is this truly you Lord?